(Sack) Dancing With The Stars

Houston, we have a problem…that it is the latest update on the billboard located on the Command Transportation Building heading into Chicago on the Edens Expressway.

Lamarr Houston added more (insult and) injury to the travesty that is the Chicago Bears’ defense by tearing his ACL during a non-crucial stop on Patriots’ back-up, Jimmy Garoppolo. I would call the Bears defense a train wreck but that implies something you continue to look at despite how awful it is. By the 3^rd quarter of Sunday’s New England debacle, I was full-on NFL Red Zone and missed seeing Lamar fail to “stick his landing”. What’s funny is that Lamar’s move was similar to the rug-cutting of Lions linebacker, Stephen Tulloch, who tore up his ACL in a September dance against the Packers (See DeadSpin for a side-by-side replay).

I guess defensive players in the modern NFL need to get their celebrations where and when they can. Rules seemed stacked against them. We love it from a fantasy perspective but is anyone else out there missing a little ‘D’? My other regional team, the Colts, failed to lose a player to a celebratory sack dance as they did not register one against the Steelers. Honestly, it was hard to appreciate the achievements of Roethlisberger when the Colts could not get enough pressure to even remotely force a patented Big Ben “king of the hill” scramble.

Bears GM Phil Emery gave a diplomatic review of Houston’s situation, suggesting that Lamarr had “built up frustration from not having a sack yet” on the season. Da Coach was a bit more direct, as always. Houston acknowledged that he “probably shouldn’t have celebrated while they were blowing us out, but it happens”. Really? I suppose that was an improvement over Tulloch who defiantly stated, “I’d do it again, brother.”

Whatever. Get a new choreographer.

So what next for the Bears? Who will pick up the slack on the 1.4 combined tackles and .12 sacks that Houston was averaging per game? Jared Allen? Too depressing to think about. Who will replace the love that Houston showed for the hometown faithful and the assessment of the team’s play this season? I am not sure anyone has the intelligence to match Lamarr and provide valuable commentary on the fans’ verbal grading of the raio of talent displayed on the field to the dollar paid.

What’s next for Lamarr? Joseph Randle scored an underwear endorsement for his sins. Certainly, there must be something out there although it probably won’t be shuffling for cold cuts. Look for him near the hot dog section.

Speaking of injuries, I am taking over for Bill the week and handling Waiver Wire Finds for the week:

QB: Carson Palmer (AZ) - Palmer has returned from his shoulder ailment showing no ill effects. He has quietly put up at least 16 points in each of his games thanks to a stable of quality receiving options. With loads of good QBs on the shelf this week, he is worthy of pickup and starting if you need a fill-in unless you are in a league where an owner foolishly tired of Big Ben and dropped him (don’t laugh, it happened in more leagues than you would have guessed). DO NOT be tempted by Michael Vick!

RB: Jonas Gray (NE) - you are rolling the dice here as gambling on who will get the backfield love in New England is risky. Where was all the Gray talk in pre-season when James White was touted as the next great back? Sure, he looked good against a putrid Bears’ defense last week, but that will not guarantee another 17 carries against Denver this week, though the Patriots would be wise to give each of their backs that many carries to speed the game up and limit Peyton Manning’s time on the field.

RB: Bobby Rainey (TB) - it appears that Rainey will be given the starting slot again with Doug Martin dinged up with an ankle injury. Rainey has done well during his fill-in chances the past two seasons and is a must-add for now if available. If you have roster room, it might be sage to also add rookie RB Bobby Sims. He has been on the IR thus far but is coming off this week and eligible to play. The Bucs could give him a hard look to help determine if the Rainey/Sims combo is their future and to trade Doug Martin in the off-season.

WR: Andrew Hawkins (CLE) - Hawkins has been floating around on the waiver wire off-and-on all season. The problem with Hawkins is that he is money in PPR leagues but not-so-much elsewhere due to his lack of TDs. This week against Tampa could be different since Tampa’s secondary is very accommodating to opposing receivers.

WR: Martavis Bryant (PITT) - the Colts made EVERY Steelers’ receiver look awesome last weekend. It did validate the 6’4″ Bryant’s arrival since he also caught a TD the week before against Houston. Though Markus Wheaton showed up versus Indy as well, it appears that the X-receiver’s job is Bryant’s for now.


WR: Donte Moncrief (IND) - Moncrief came out of nowhere last week in the Colts’ shootout with the bumblebees. He caught 7 passes for 113 yards and a touchdown and is a solid fill-in for Reggie Wayne, thus cementing the signing bust of Hakeem Nicks. He is definitely a nice WR3 or WR4 option while Wayne is hurt and Bye weeks are in effect.

Quick Change NFL

Week 7 in the NFL provided some short bursts of crazy action. The Bills again hung around with their defense long enough for their offense to wake up and provide another white-knuckle winner. Kyle Orton sure does start slow (maybe residual Jay Cutler dust landed on him when he was traded to Denver) but gets it kicked in just in time for the heroic finish. The Redskins finally threw the towel in on Kirk Cousins, while simultaneously kicking themselves in the a$$ for not trading him last off-season, and let Colt McCoy take the reins. McCoy thanked them by throwing a 70-yard TD on his first play. While his overall play was pedestrian, he is riding high right now. That will end Monday night versus Dallas.

There were a few colossal implosions in Week 7 as well. The Saints dominated Detroit for 57 minutes and then let it all slip away by opting not to tackle Golden Tate or run the ball and eat clock – and avoid an INT, which was uncharacteristic for Drew Brees. The Saints have lost seven consecutive regular season road games and really needed this one, though 8 wins should win the NFC South this season. Anyone who decided that Pittsburgh was done and changed the channel after Houston jumped out to a dominating 13-0 lead Monday night had to be in shock when they saw the Steelers comfortably ahead at halftime. I don’t recalling seeing that many points in such a short time on MNF since Peyton and the Colts erased a huge deficit in 2003 to beat Tampa. Houston had to be relieved that the seconds finally clicked off the clock for the half before they found more ways to set the Steelers up for more easy scores.

Other thoughts from week 7:

• St Louis is getting props this week for their brave fake punt and their inventive mis-direction punt return. After being outgained 2-1 on the day, the fake punt was the best idea for stopping Seattle from coming back and winning. As for the punt return, former Bear, Jeff Fisher, was channeling his former team as the Bears pulled this off 3 years ago, though the play was negated on a horrible penalty that was called by an official who had no idea where the ball was.
• Russell Wilson did all he could in that game to get Seattle a win; becoming the first player ever to post 300+ passing yards and 100+ rushing yards in the same game. He has been a one-man wrecking crew this season…unlike their defense.
• Speaking of defenses falling apart, Carolina didn’t give up more than 31 points in a game all of last season. They have given up 37 or more in 4 games already this year and we are just approaching the midpoint of the season.
• No one is happier about Kyle Orton quarterbacking the Bills than Sammy Watkins. They hooked up for 9 catches for 122 yards and 2 scores last week. E.J. Manuel may have provided Watkins with those numbers by the end of the season.
• All Randall Cobb does is score TDs. He is on a pace to score 21 TDs this season.
• The Chiefs have ZERO TD receptions by their WRs this season.
• I didn’t like the Bears giving all that money in the off-season to Jay Cutler. I thought Josh McCown could run the team in that offense as their starting QB and put the extra millions towards improving their linebacking corp. I believe Alshon Jeffrey (9 yards last week) and Brandon Marshall (48 yards) agree. At least Marshall is trying to jump-start a team that is winless at home. With their next two games on the road versus New England and Green Bay, there is no better time than the present to play up to their potential.
• Hey Cincy, 7 carries for Giovani Bernard is a horrible gameplan.
• As expected, one bad game by Brian Hoyer and the Manziel pleas return. Just wait until they lose to the Raiders this weekend!

Another week in the NFL and the injuries continue to mount, even to the point that teams are falling to their third-stringers while the game is still being played. (See Fred Jackson and C.J. Spiller both going out on big injuries in the first half). So, the waiver wire is active again this week:

QB: Kyle Orton (BUF) - Orton is averaging just under 300 passing yards in his first three games as the Bills' starter, with 5 touchdown passes and 3 picks. If you need a fill-in for the week, the Bills play at the Jets this week. The Jets secondary is a Welcome mat, giving up 2 TDs in every game and 3 TDs in each of their last 3 games.

RB: Tre Mason (STL) – The Rams have moved past Zac Stacy and should try to trade him at this point. They only put him on the field for one snap last week. They are splitting the reps between Tre Mason for running the ball and Benny Cunningham for receiving. I would pick up Mason as he will get more overall Touches and should see some action catching the ball as the Rams try to round out his game a bit, but Cunningham is a worthy second choice if Mason is gone.

RB: Bryce Brown (BUF) – I was surprised when the Eagles traded Brown to the Bills since he put up great numbers when LeSean McCoy was hurt. Anywhoo, Buffalo has let him sit on the bench all year since they had too many RBs to begin with. However, injuries to Fred Jackson and C.J. Spiller have changed that. While Anthony Dixon gets the first crack at being the #1 RB, I don’t see him as a long-term solution. He is a bit too slow and will be stuffed this weekend against a solid Jets’ run defense. I expect Brown to get worked in a little this weekend, but this situation should play out like the Vikings’ backfield of Matt Asiata and Jerick McKinnon, with Brown assuming McKinnon’s role.

RB/WR: Denard Robinson (JAX) – Robinson took the Browns by Storm last weekend to the tune of 127 rushing yards and a touchdown on 22 carries. The Jags have had designs on making the former Michigan QB a running back, but never truly made the effort until last week. Unfortunately, they are still listing him on their roster as a WR so he is not available as a RB yet. I do expect that designation to change but I don’t believe that they see him as more than a 10-12 carries per game guy anyway so I wouldn’t give up the farm for him. However, you could stick him in this week if you have a chance to add him and see where it goes if you have no better options.

WR: Doug Baldwin (SEA) – Even though the Seahawks gave Baldwin a healthy contract in the off-season, it took a Percy Harvin trade to finally work him fully into the passing game. Since it was so successful last week (7/126/1), I would feel comfortable starting him with confidence going forward.

WR: Allen Robinson (JAX) – It has been difficult to count on the Jaguars’ offense this season, especially at WR due to loads of injuries. However, Robinson does have at least 4 catches in six straight games and QB Blake Bortles is becoming more comfortable under center, so I believe that I can start trusting Robinson when I don’t have a better option due to Bye weeks.

TE: ​Charles Clay (MIA) – Clay was a surprise last season with 7 TDs, but he had been MIA this season until Sunday. With the improved play of QB Ryan Tannehill, I expect more production for the remainder of the season. With Knowshon Moreno out for the rest of the season and a lack of consistent WRs behind Mike Wallace, Clay should be a bigger part of the weekly gameplan going forward. Plus, he gets Jacksonville this week.

No One Wants a Tie

Well, week 6 was as baffling as the five that preceded it. The Giants reverted back to their true selves after three impressive performances, though an extremely aggressive defense had something to do with that. A Cleveland defense that had a hard time stopping Jake Locker and Charlie Whitehurst shut down a Pittsburgh offense that was previously somewhat dynamic. Of course, the biggest eye-opener was Dallas. I mocked their defense at the start of the year and have been proven wrong, plus it looks as though they have quit wilting under pressure. After Romo went down in the first quarter and looked iffy to return, I remarked that they would lose by 50 after Seattle blocked that punt for a TD to go up 10-0. Good thing that I was full of beers and wings at that point as a huge heaping of crow was delivered to me before I left the pub.

A few other things that stood out to me on Sunday:

• Wang Dang No Poontang for Mike Nugent. NO kicker is perfect, just look at Detroit’s three kickers this season, but to miss like that after the offense executed a beautiful two-minute drive was devastating. Oh yeah…and it left the game at a tie which killed many Teaser bets and knocked out many Survivor Teams (ties always lose in Survivor Pools, no matter if you pick winners or losers). Loads of people were unhappy. I am sure that his teammates kept it to themselves, except for that idiot Adam Jones. Yep, the same Adam Jones that plays on defense and had multiple opportunities to stop Carolina and preserve the win long before Nugent’s big miss. I think the defense is more accountable. Back-to-back very poor performances where they rarely had their opponent punting is a bigger cause for concern than a missed field goal.
• After the Chargers erased a 50+ yard field goal by Nick Novak due to a holding penalty, they were faced with a 4th and 35….and tried a fake punt…..that wasn’t even close. Who is running that asylum? Hell, they should have just tried another field goal if they didn’t feel like advancing the ball.
• Speaking of field goals, Tennessee’s Prevent defense almost prevented a win as the Jaguars woke up with a late TD, onside kick and could have won the game on a field goal if it was elevated a weee bit more.
• It was kind of cool to look up at the Arizona game and see Michael Floyd score (happiness is a return of Carson Palmer for Cardinals receivers) and a short time later to  look up at San Diego scoring with a TD pass to his brother-from-another-mother, Malcom. By the way, he is still looking for that lost “L”.
• No one does more with less than Atlanta’s RB Antone Smith. He ripped off another long TD; 41 yards against the Bears. HOW the Falcons are not using him more baffles me more than Eli with a good game.
• The Jets had 31 yards rushing on Sunday…with a lot of it coming towards the end of the game. They were actually in single digits early in the fourth quarter.
• Joe Flacco had FIVE TD passes in slightly over 16 minutes on Sunday. So much for Tampa having any hope this season. Their defense is BAAAAAD and it does not reflect well on defensive-minded Lovie Smith.
• Of course, I would be remiss if I did not mention the Giants. Worst. Performance. Ever. To add injury on top of insult, the Giants had a TD to Larry Donnell taken off the board thanks to a holding penalty a few plays before the ill-fated pass to Victor Cruz. If they weren’t stinking the joint up so much, they would have settled for a FG instead of going for it on 4th down. Sad to see a good guy like Victor lose his season to an injury that he may never fully recover from thanks to bad New York karma.
• Shutouts are rare in this offense-centric, defense-absent NFL but somehow a New York team has posted one in back-to-back weeks.
• I love me some Ickey Shuffle…and so does Jeremy Hill. He paid tribute after his TD on Sunday. I still crack up every time I see that Geico commercial. Gonna get some cold cuts today!

Unfortunately, one constant about the NFL is the number of injuries that occur every week. I already mentioned Victor Cruz, but the list is long once again, especially if you include defensive players. So, owners are again scouring the waiver wire for Bye week and injury replacements. This week, we have the following:

QB: Derek Carr (OAK) - the kid looks polished and poised. I would only take a rookie QB if desperate or the matchup is right as they can disappoint as easy as they can impress. He did play well at home against a good Chargers’ defense and gets another home game this week versus Arizona.

RB: James White (NE) - this is a longer-term speculative pick up. With Steven Ridley out, Shane Vereen will get more time as will RB Brandon Bolden on a short week. However, White had a great camp and I believe that the Patriots see him as their future number 1 so this will be the trigger to start working him towards that this season.

RB: James Stewart (CAR) - he sits on almost every waiver wire and looks to be finally ready to start playing. The Panthers tried about six different backs while he and DeAngelo Williams have been hurt and none impressed. Starting RBs are tough to come by right now so it is worth a roster spot for Stewart if you need a RB.

WR: Odell Beckham Jr (NYG) – he is definitely a must-add now that Cruz is out.

WR: Andre Holmes (OAK) - he is Derek Carr’s go-to receiver and has almost 200 yards and three TDs in the past two weeks. His emergence is also helping out WR James Jones.

TE: Benjamin Watson (NO) – with Jimmy Graham out for a game or two, Watson makes the most sense as his replacement. He performed well in his time in Cleveland and is more of an offensive threat than TE Josh Hill. That being said, Hill is worthy of a pick up as well as he has found the end zone twice already this season while Jimmy Graham was playing.

TE: Jace Amaro (NYJ) – the Jets won’t completely abandon the run game every week so don’t expect 10 catches for Amaro every week, but he is now part of the weekly gameplan. Of course, he needs to lessen his Drops if he can truly be counted on, but he did show last week that he can handle the workload if called upon.

And Then There Were None

Week 5 in the NFL returned the only consistent teams in the NFL; Denver and Seattle, who delivered as expected. Other than that, the unexpected expectedly showed up. The Patriots completely reversed directions and dominated the last unbeaten NFL team in Cincinnati. The game was a rout and the Bengals made no effort to close the gap. After watching Carolina, St. Louis, Buffalo and especially Cleveland close or erase big deficits, one expected Cincy to make some sort of dent in the Patriots’ lead but that didn’t happen. The Broncos and Seahawks really are the only Elite teams in the NFL and Seattle will need to temper their propensity for poorly-timed penalties to be able to continue to succeed. Poor Percy Harvin. He scored a season’s worth of TDs on MNF that were all called back thanks to a penalty. I am almost ready to put San Diego into the mix but I want to see them take care of business in Oakland first.

On the flip side, there are a few very consistent losing teams in Oakland, Tampa, Jacksonville and the Jets. Whatever magic the Jets had last year is gone and soon will be Rex Ryan. Vegas can’t set a line high enough for me not to load up on Denver this weekend. Oakland is an utter mess and may not win a game this year. Jacksonville and Tampa are at least showing signs of life and may actually pick up a victory this weekend.

With a few more injuries and more teams on Bye, the waiver wire is again a popular destination for many fantasy owners. Here is what we have on tap this week:

QB Austin Davis (STL) - Davis has been airing it out quite a bit lately as the Rams continue to fall behind in games. This week should be no different versus San Fran. Add in that Zac Stacy is banged up and he will be a-flinging it come Monday night. If you need a Bye-week fill-in, you could do much worse.

QB Kyle Orton (BUF) - Orton is prone to delivering a big turnover, but he is also prone to tossing for 300+ yards. The Bills face a solid Patriots’ D on Sunday, but it is at home. With solid backfield dump off options in RB Fred Jackson and C.J. Spiller and the dynamic Sammy Watkins on the outside, Orton should have another solid effort if you prefer The Neckbeard over Austin Davis.

RB Branden Oliver (SD) - Kudos to you if you plucked Oliver off the free agent tree prior to his game versus the Jets after seeing Donald Brown’s pedestrian 2ypg average since taking over for Ryan Mathews. If you didn’t, grab him this week. He has a tasty matchup in Oakland and, with an injured Brown, he will be The Man until Mathews returns.

WR Odell Beckham Jr. (NYG) - Beckham finally made his long-awaited debut last week and delivered with 10 fantasy points. He won’t see a lot of Targets each week, so he may only be a spot starter based on the matchup. Of course, the matchup this weekend versus Philly is one where you will want him in your lineup.

TE Tim Wright (NE) – The Patriots remembered that Tm Brady and the team were at their best when utilizing two tight ends that can catch the ball. Wright was worked into the gameplan and found himself open often against a solid Bengals defense. The Bills also have a quality D so I wouldn’t expect huge numbers. But, with multiple TE injuries and Byes, getting decent production off the waiver wire for this position is not easy to come by.

Heading Sideways

This appears to be the direction of 80% of the NFL. As soon as an arrow turns up for a team, such as the Atlanta Falcons, they head to Minnesota and leave with the arrow pointing down. As soon as you bury the Tampa Bay Bucs with a heavy down arrow after their annihilation at Atlanta, they go into Pittsburgh and beat a team that just turned up after beating Carolina. The rapid directional changes are what brings about mediocrity, unpredictability and increased viewing. T'is a bit frustrating though.

At the quarter pole of the season, we already have our first head coach firing. Dennis Allen was let go by the Raiders after showcasing how poor the low end of the NFL is to the London fans. I know the NFL disturbingly wants to go international, but sending the Raiders over as a representative was a real head-scratcher.

In addition to our first firing, we also have our first starting QB demotion, injuries not included. The Bills have replaced E.J. Manuel's starting job with a clipboard and have inserted Kyle Orton in as their starter. The Bills seem to be trying to ignite their offense, unlike the Jets, who are willing to suffer with Geno Smith. Maybe Jets fans need to wisely ban Bon Jovi music as well to get their team to notice.

Last year, the Lions gave us the first pizza-related injury with Nate Burleson crashing his car while trying to save a pizza from sliding off the front seat while driving. This year, they give us the first puppy-related injury. Joseph Fauria, we love you for your end zone dances and we love you for coming clean about injuring your ankle chasing your peeing puppy down a flight of stairs. Come back soon! The Lions are an odd bunch. Hell, they even had a lineman blow out his ACL against the Packers by doing the Discount Double Check!

I attended the Vikings-Falcons game last Sunday and could do a Waiver Wire list on just that game. QB Teddy Bridgewater looked fantastic. He was poised, he was accurate, and he made loads of good decisions. Having a reliable passing game provided the Vikings with the opportunity to find room for the flat-footed RB Matt Asiata to have a career day and to introduce the fantasy football world to RB Jerick McKinnon. He has the extra gear that Asiata is lacking. The Vikings will use this 2-back approach for awhile, but McKinnon will have the bulk of the load eventually, though I worry about Asiata being a goal-line vulture. Now, bear in mind, Atlanta's defense is terrible, so 500+ yards of output and 40+ points won't show up all that often. On the other side of the ball, RB Antone Smith is setting himself up to play a factor in the Falcons backfield. He has 13 touches and 3 TDs....and not cheap TDs. The kid has speed and moves. When they start feeding him more is anyone's guess. And then we come to WR Devin Hester. Not only is he still a factor in the return game, but the Falcons have done more with him than the Bears were willing to do. He recorded his second 5-catch game this season against the Vikings and took one of them to The House, using his return game moves to shake-and-bake his way to pay dirt. With Harry Douglas on the bench, he could be worth a look against the Giants this week.

One thing I like about Devin Hester is his humility. I will say that when the Bears visit the Falcons in two Sundays, if he has a big day, he will not stick it in the Bears’ face. He was given a great opportunity in Chicago and he wanted to be more than a return man. The Bears didn't need him in that role and let him find a job that would let him do more on offense. I am sure Chicago wanted him to retire a Bear, but it wasn't in the cards. Conversely, Steve Smith has to shoot his mouth off at the Carolina Panthers after having a big day, although much of it came on a tipped pass that was not intended for him. For him to call out the Panthers was classless. He had a nice career there, but was a non-factor in 2013 (as well as, 2009-2010) and they succeeded without him contributing much. They were moving on without him and were looking at running much more, thus lessening his impact on the game. PAYING him to go away stuck money in his pocket and allowed him to find a system that he still fit in. Steve Smith should just shut up and play the best ball that he can for the Ravens. Adding "Sr." to your name doesn't mean that you have grown up, Steve.